A dynamic relationship exists between self-esteem
and skill development. As a child improves in self-esteem, his
academic competence increases. And as that competence increases,
his self-esteem improves. The caring and concerned caregiver must
come to realize that positive self-esteem is both a prerequisite
and a consequence of academic success. Here are 20 tips to help
foster a child's self-esteem:
- Value each child as an individual with
unique strengths, needs, interests and skills.
- Focus on the child's strengths. Emphasize
and celebrate his "islands of competence."
- Reject the child's behavior, but never
reject the child. Use affectionate terms and nicknames when scolding
("Your room is a mess, honey. Now turn off the TV and make
your bed.").
- Remember that sincere interest can be
more effective and meaningful than praise. Demonstrate a genuine
interest in her activities, hobbies, etc.
- Establish realistic, achievable goals
for your child. Anticipate success.
- Avoid using sarcasm with kids - children
with language problems often misinterpret it.
- When discussing an issue or a problem,
avoid bringing up past difficulties.
- Never compare one child to another.
- Help the child develop decision-making
and problem-solving skills.
- Understand that mistakes are an inevitable
(and valuable!) part of any learning experience. Use these as
an opportunity to teach and assist.
- Divide large tasks into smaller, manageable
ones. This will ensure success, mastery, and retention.
- Maintain a file of his academic work.
Use this to demonstrate his progress and development when he
is feeling down.
- Encourage him to maintain "collections"
(e.g., baseball cards, stamps, rocks, etc.). This allows him
to be the resident expert on a topic.
- If she does not participate in team sports,
promote individual sports (e.g., skiing, golf, swimming). This
will provide opportunities for success, exercise, and peer interaction.
- Communicate your confidence in the child
and in her future.
- Permit and encourage the child to follow
the normal fads of his peer group (e.g., clothing, music). This
will enhance his acceptance at school and in the community.
- Emphasize the positive aspects of her
behavior or performance, even if the task was not completely
successful. Reward direction, not perfection.
- Anticipate that the child will have plateaus,
failures, backslides, setbacks, and regressions. Support and
encourage him at these times. Kids need love most when they deserve
it least!
- Look for opportunities to offer him choices
to allow him to practice decision-making skills.
- Never, ever, communicate disappointment
to your child. The disappointment of an adult may be too great
a burden for a child to carry.
Remember:
- Your child's self-esteem will be determined
by the conditional acceptance that he receives from others -
and the unconditional acceptance that he receives from you
and
- Your child's self-esteem will be determined
by success and progress in four areas:
Emphasize, recognize and reinforce all
four areas!
Download the .pdf
version.
© Richard Lavoie